Moon Over June: What the Fuck Am I Reading in Action
Fuck you, /v/. Fuck you for introducing me to the fuckery of Moon Over June and making me hate my own gender that much more. This webcomic…I don’t even know where to begin. How about we start by introducing the two main characters?
Our first heroine (if we can call her that) is Hatsuki, a Japanese-Canadian girl whose parents couldn’t get the pronunciation of her name right according to the kanji (it should’ve been Hazuki instead of Hatsuki), and so many people with more of an understanding of Japanese than her parents kept asking why she didn’t just change her name that to spite them she entered porn. …What? She also hates anything and everything Japanese. Also, after seeing a girl take a money shot to the eye, she became a female-only performer with a penchant for anal. Cue a shot of her getting anal fisted.
Summer Winters (seriously, that’s her fucking name) was a girl raised in a family of all boys. She hated her brothers and found the boys in her school immature, so she found girls completely superior. Her mom caught her making out with her best friend, so she shipped her off to an all-girls’ catholic school where she somehow seduces half of the school (How? She’s a ginger covered in freckles which look more like horrible acne than anything) and finds out she can squirt. She also makes awful dirty talk. Like “FUCKING FUCKING SHIT CUNTS YOU DIRTY CUNTPUSSYCUMSLUTNIGGERS” kind of dirty talk. She graduates and becomes…a gynecologist. Seriously.
The two eat, sleep, and fuck together…but apparently don’t like each other. Hatsuki is going to college to get a major in math (OMG A SMART PORN STAR NOWAI), where apparently most everyone recognizes her. If a guy asks to fuck her, she’ll only agree to piss on his face for 50 bucks, but if a girl asks, HEY LET’S GO FUCK IN THE BATHROOM! Meanwhile, Summer gets so turned on by looking at vaginas all day that she’ll take a nurse (because apparently this hospital is full of lesbian nurses) and fuck her in the supply closet. The two also have some strange habits. Hatsuki likes to wear a buttplug all day and wonders what it would be like to be a gay man—WAIT A MINUTE, you became a female-only porn star to avoid getting jizzed on and yet you wonder what it’s like to take it up the ass from the dude? LOGIC. Meanwhile, Summer masturbates with tampons (WOMAN TALK here, I don’t see how this would work, tampons are tiny) and—hurgh—EATS HATSUKI OUT DURING HER PERIOD. SERIOUSLY, EW. She also likes watching preggers porn.
Anyway, initially this comic seems to just be about poorly drawn sex. If you go to page 23, you can REALLY see how bad the anatomy is in this comic. There’s tweaking anatomy for style, and then there’s this. Anyway, the comic didn’t kick in until page 24 and I ALREADY disliked these two. 30 pages in, and there hasn’t been anything funny. It seems like a sad exercise in really bad anatomy and an excuse to draw girls putting things in themselves. Hell, why not just drop the plot and draw girls fucking? It’d be better than this poor excuse of a comedy. Basically, if it’s not Hatsuki and Summer having hate sex, it’s Summer practicing her belief of “It’s totally wrong if men do it, but if women do it it’s totally okay!” Case in point, in the most recent comic (Note: recent as of the time I wrote this, which was last summer), Hatsuki sees someone from an adjacent apartment spying on them (not like it’s hard, their windows are wide fucking open all the time and they prance about naked constantly). Summer has a shit fit because she thinks it’s a man and men are horrible disgusting pigs (amirite?), but when Hatsuki says it’s a woman, suddenly she wants to put on a show. By about page 46, the comic goes full-color, at which point you can see Summer’s freckles in all their glory. And what better way to ring in the color than with FISTING! And let’s not forget the bit where Hatsuki gives herself an enema! And then comes comic 54 and 55, where a guy comes into the dyke bar looking to score. Honestly, his lines are like Quagmire with even less subtlety. Jesus, there’s even a Goatse comic!
At this point, I’m really not sure what this comic is aiming for. Was it drawn for the porn? If so, it’s really not hot; the characters have poorly drawn faces and the anatomy is rather askew. I can get off better to Key characters than to this. Is it a comedy? If so, it’s really not funny; I’ve seen CAD comics that were funnier. Hell, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff has better developed characters than this! Plus, the logic here is just astounding: when Summer hits on a woman (in one case trying to get a straight woman to have sex with her on a golf course), it’s totally fine, but if a man were to do the same, it’s horrible. I really, really hope the author doesn’t share Summer’s views and is writing this as a satire of the Womyn crowd because if she believes this, it makes me weep for my gender. Then there’s Hatsuki, who only fucks women on and off set yet wants to be a gay man. I AM COMPLETELY MISSING THE LOGIC HERE.
I wish I didn’t know this comic existed. But it does, and now for the next few days (or maybe hours, or whenever I read this entry again) I will be reminded of its existence and my deep wish that it wasn’t so.
Fast forward to a year later, and someone in the chat decides to link the most recent Moon Over June...and now Hatsuki and Summer are pregnant.
Let me repeat that: they are PREGNANT.
PREGNANT.
PREGNANT.
Also apparently Hatsuki got pregnant by doing a scene with a woman who had recently been jizzed in by a guy. Sperm does not work like this. And of course, Summer being Summer, she only got pregnant to fuel her own pregnancy fetish, and would only keep the child if it was female. To be honest, I pity the child for NOT being male; at least then it could have been given to a better family. Poor Moon will be raised by these womyn.
I really don't want to attempt to catch up on the comic. I managed to escape from its terrifying grasp, to put the awful memories of its content behind me. But with this new revelation...I feel compelled to go back. I feel drawn into its bloody, freckled, disgusting vagina folds to see what new feats of logic destruction have been attempted, what new levels of sheer anger and hatred for this comic and this author I can reach.
Help me, God.
Help me.
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